dream Catcher--;

I had a dream two nights ago about a crush I once had. His name was Tony. If you know me, you know that I was in love with this boy. It was like, we were so close, yet so far. In the end, everything didn't work out, but we stayed friends. But then my phone broke, and now there's no way I can keep in touch with him. Bummer, I know. But here's the dream:

It was the same place where I had dreamed about him once. On the south side of Merced, passed the high way. He was with a bunch of his friends and I had spotted him. I was so far from him and I tried keeping up with him and also making sure he didn't spot me. I followed them to his place, or so I thought. He and his friends were having this party/hang out or something. Most of them started leaving but all I was doing was staying on the outside, walking by to check up with what he was up to and such. Then it was just him and his ex girlfriend left. By now, I was inside the house, but on the send floor. I don't know how I got up and in there, but somehow I did. They traveled up and I panicked and fled the scene by exiting the back door. I climbed down the stairs and hid under them. But there was this dog that kept barking. I overheard Tony tell his ex, "Hey, I got to get home, it's late already." In my mind I thought, -wait, isn't this his house? I guess not-. He peered outside the back door on the second floor and I was up against the wall on the first floor. For some odd reason, I couldn't keep my balance, so I fell on my butt. I thought he'd seen me, but he didn't. Then me, being the foolish girl that I am, popped out and said hi to him. You should have seen the look on his face. It was a cross of who-the-fuck-are-you and what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-here. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up.

And ever since last night, I wondered, {why did I have this dream about him}. Maybe it's because schools going to start soon, and I miss seeing him in school everyday? Maybe. But then when I fell asleep last night, I had another dream about him:

School was in session. I was still attending Merced High for some reason and I was with my cousin. We were walking around the hallways until school let out. The bell rung and everyone was starting to walk home and such. I had walked up that small slope like I used to everyday after school in hopes of maybe seeing him (but that was also my way of going home). I hadn't seen him and I started walking home, but I magically ended up back in the hallways. And coming my way was the one and only Tony and two of his friends. Or so I thought, again. When he walked passed me, he didn't acknowledge him, but to my surprise, I didn't like him, AT ALL. I kept walking and I felt this feeling of disgust deep down in my stomach. I turned to my cousin and told her that I didn't like Tony at all anymore, He's so ugly, What did I ever see in him. All she said back was, "Are you sure it was him?" And then something hit me. That wasn't Tony! It was some dirty Mexican (excuse my language) that I had thought was him because I was thinking of Tony so much. Then his face popped into my mind, and I was okay again.

You see, two dreams of him in a row. Is this a good omen or a sign of obsession? Certainly not obsession because I haven't the slightest care for him in about two three months. Gosh, I don't know what it is, but it's not fun. I know a dream is just a dream, but sometimes dreams have a secret meaning. Don't you feel like that too? I don't know. I mean, I know it's cliche to say, but only time will tell. ☺

Hands On Experience

I was looking for pictures of hands to put on my Myspace
and I came across this really interesting picture
It's a little odd, I must admit
haha.
but it's really adorable in a sense.
:)

Fact;

That feeling in your stomach like a thousand butterflies are trying to break free.
The warm sensation every time you hear his name.
The color of red on your cheeks every time he walks by.
The way you turn every corner because you think he'll be right around.
The way your smile is from ear to ear.
The thought of not being able to have him and yet your so close.
The fact in knowing that this is enough.

yea♥

Social Neglect

I find it hard to believe that everybody doesn't live based on the social criteria. Most of us teens were born in this country to be free and it's definitely the land of opportunity. But we insist on carrying out our lives by following these demeaning ways and torturing ourselves to believe that society really wants us to be like this. As youths, we have the ability to change the world, and instead we are too preoccupied with how everybody else is. I must admit that although I have fallen prey to society, I have been able to keep my individualism and my right mind to know what's right from what's ridiculously wrong. We're all living in a time where we don't have to be a follower but instead a leader. And yet, we're still lingering on about the idea of a group. Within this group of yours, there's always a ring leader, an out cast, a bitch, and everything in between. Why must you have to put yourself down to fit in with others who are living their life like they don't possess one. Stop and think about all the times you have felt 'yourself' and I bet you that it has been none. Since you've entered this beautiful world of ours, you have been made set to believe that life is better this way. You don't know how else to change yourself to be someone you were born to be. You let the high lights of the media consume you inside out until you have no clue what you're doing and you have absolutely no clue who you are anymore. I believe that no one will be there to help you pick up your life when it reaches this point. You and I both will have to face the fact that this is who we are as a person. We are all the same, and forever will be. There's no difference between each individual as a whole. The is the hard truth, and although it may hurt, we're actually taking it and changing everybody. We've grasped on to the concept with the little energy we've assumed to have left. We're making up for the lost centuries that we of course can never have back. But I'm proud to say that we are changing. Even if it's for the worst, it's something we're working on.☺

Drivers Safety

So I went driving for the first time today. Well, technically it wasn't really driving, but I did drive some. We went to a street that nobody drives on. It was just a straight away basically. I practiced U-turning and I practiced 3-point turns. Boy, was that scary. I was backing up and I guess I backed up too far? so they all screamed "Stop?!" so I pressed on the breaks hella hard. haha. We did that whole head-swings-forward-hella-fast thing. haha. I underestimated how sensitive the peddles actually are. I pressed on the gas and it went ZOOM! I pressed on the break and it dead stopped. Good thing I didn't hurt anybody right? YES. Overall, it was a really good experience. Very good indeed. I can't wait until I get my permit. :)

Kick Ass

4.8 stars out of 5

Kick Ass would have to be one of my top ten favorite movies of all time. I'm usually not into the whole, guns and brutally killing people thing, but just something at this movie had me on my feet the whole time. It was just an amazing movie. *Spoiler Alert* I love the part where Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage) and Kick Ass (Aaron Johnson) are captured and they're torturing the two. Then all of a sudden one of the guy gets shot in the head and all the lights go out. And the scene is in the perspective of Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) with her night vision goggles. The camera angle is superb. It's like you are actually playing a game because it was in a first person shooter mode. All you could see where random shots of guns going off creating random spurts of light. Then where Big Daddy was telling Hit Girl what to do and shit. Man, that was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! She busted out with bright blinking lights and the whole shebang. It was just so intense. I definitely didn't expect that from this movie. I honestly thought it was going to be some kids movie about high school students doing stupid things to seem like super heroes. But this movie was legit. It was just phenomenal. Haven't seen a movie of this caliber in a while. But I do throw caution that this movie is definitely not for everyone. And it is definitely not for kids. haha*

Photography Website

I'm still trying to figure the whole thing out. So the site looks kind of noob-ish.
Bare with me and enjoy. :)

http://kayexphotography.yolasite.com/

Photoshop

I have this super addiction to photoshop that could probably be the death of me. No, I'm just kidding with you, but I can sit and photoshop for hours on end. It just overly consumes me. It's like I sold my soul to the devil, but that's a tad bit of an exaggeration, or is it? Yea, it is. But the funny thing is that I'm not good with it at all. I have a few skills here and there, and of course, I have more knowledge on it than the regular based humans. But that's totally besides the point. I just think that if people got more into photoshop, they'd find that it's not so hard to understand and get used to. All photoshop is, is editing of pictures and manipulating them into ways that you want em to appear. Most people alter their pictures to either make them not have blemishes or be brighter or something along those lines. Why not take the time to invest in a program that will enhance your skills rather than relying on a silly site online that does everything for you in one click. Yea, you go and think about that. ha!

Here are just a few things I've done in the past.
Let it just sink in. :)

SuperMacro

On the weekend I found out what the function 'Macro' on the digital camera meant.
So I had a little fun and this is what I ended up doing with the family.


Me Sister
Brother
Mother

Tooth Extraction

I would say that getting a tooth extracted is not the funnest part of my day. I was so painful at first, but when the Novocaine finally really started kicking in, it was a smooth ride, minus all the pressure.

the BreakUp

At abruptly 9:38 p.m. on the night of January 5th, 2010
I had my first real break up.
Now us being long distance and all
we needn't bother with the whole break up in person or text or whatever.
It just happened, and out of thin air too.
It was a real shocker to me.

After nine whole months and two weeks,
our romantic relationship just shattered.
Now I'm sure we both saw it coming
we just didn't know exactly when.

I'm happy it happened now.
I have six whole months to try to get my life back together.
A new year comes with a new beginning.
I guess that saying holds true.

Tears and Rainbows

When sadness rages over you like a tsunami in the night, you are at a lost. Despite the preparation you have bestowed upon yourself over the years, you still get hit with the greatest impact you can ever imagine. It tears you up inside knowing that there is so little you can do, and so much less that can actually be done. Your heart is beating to the beat of your heavy heaves and your eyes dilate to the very little light that gets past your solid tears. Your emotions are faint signs of desperation that go unnoticed from the person you call love. Your cry for acceptance doesn't even get passed the brick wall that's between you two. All this time you were a considerable humane creature, and now you're just a fleshy skin outline of lifeless jargon. To him you are nothing short of a meander from where he was really reaching for. You think to yourself if your life was worth the risk about going on this long adventurous journey. In the end, you find yourself in the con-caved spectacle you call your heart. No ones there with you; No one hears you. The silence disrupts the bliss that was forgotten long ago--The bliss that was never found due to incurable infatuation that was processed through your brain to be right. You sit in this silence only to be taunted by that love you call a man. Never do you speak of the words that he wants to sustain in the dark. Never do you wrong him of your actions. Never should you have to do anything that deals with the consequences of some foolish words that deson't mean anything if you believe it not to. You, my child, is the epitome of youth. With this youth, teach him a lesson. Do not let the fiery depths of his eyes scare you no more. Let it go; Happiness for you isn't quite far. Reach for it a tad bit more and you'll find that society has hidden it under your dark, restless eyes. Young girl, you have found what you've been looking for.

New Year

It is a new year.
It is the start of a new beginning.
It is the time for change.
Do not hesitate to feel the transformation.
We are all doing it--not just me or you.
EVERYBODY.

Last Year's Resolutions:

Thursday, January 01, 2009

1. 1. Lose Weight&Be Healthy
2. 2. Stay motivated enough to Learn to play an Instrument
3. 3. Don't waste time doing Nothing
4. 4. Stop being so crazy about boys
5. 5. Stay positive&Don't let anybody get to me
6. 6. Care more about others
7. 7. Don't spend so much money [like always]
8. 8. And others i can't really think of.

New Year Resolutions:

1. Lose Weight [always the major one, never happens]
2. Get more friendly [or make more friends&be a better one]
3. Save money man! [I really need to do this one]
4. Get a job [fuck the economy, I'm getting one]
5. Be more loving towards the BF [and stop arguing with him]

There you have it.
Resolutions from last year and the current.
Not much has changed.
So you know what that means.
HA!